


On Fire Inside a Snowball

by TheBadIdeaBears



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Awkward Boners, Awkward Crush, Awkward First Times, Awkwardness, Brooding, Canon Compliant, First Time, Growing Up, Hotels, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Mutually Unrequited, Pining, Rumors, Secret Crush, Slow Burn, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-10-28 02:55:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10822269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBadIdeaBears/pseuds/TheBadIdeaBears
Summary: The word rolls around in his head and he considers it: crush. He doesn't understand it – not this application anyway – but he would like very much to crush JJ. He would squash him right out of existence and leave a beautiful, silent, JJ-shaped hole in the world. The thought saddens him as much as it satisfies.





	On Fire Inside a Snowball

**Author's Note:**

> Written by Pandora early 2017.

Yuri isn't sure when he realises that he can't stop looking at JJ. The knowledge seems to creep up on him, and he'd call it insidious but when he tries to he feels an ache that he doesn't understand. He finds an excuse – not to anyone but himself – to go to the rink when he knows the Canadians are training in there, keeping out of sight in the shadows of the stands to avoid any accusation of spying (like he'd need to – his own routines are vastly superior).

Here in the semi-darkness he allows his eyes to follow JJ's progress around the rink, his music (and _god_ Yuri _hates_ that song) streaming from the speakers. With the Grand Prix the next hurdle on the course – and all of them flying to Spain in only a couple of days' time – everyone's pulling extra practice time, even though the Rostelecom cup was only two days ago. Technically, Yuri is meant to be out on a run right now. His lip curls in satisfaction at seeing 'King JJ' putting in the additional hours instead of sitting on that gold and expecting the next win to land in his lap.

JJ lands a quad and Yuri scoffs – his arms were off. He stops when JJ goes into a step sequence and he realises how much more serene he should make his own face when doing his. He stands silently, listening to the music and the occasional French from JJ's parents, and his eyes narrow.

Why is he here? Why is he watching JJ?

The darkness of his corner gives him space to think: a non-judgemental expanse around him that he opens himself to. He lets his eyes rake over JJ, from the top of his dark head down to his blades, making little lines in the ice. He finds himself staring at JJ's arms, his shoulders, mesmerised by the way his muscles roll and shift under his skin. Yuri, arms folded, absently feels his own biceps – much smaller by comparison – and feels a strange sense of vulnerability.

He returns his gaze to JJ's face, watching the gentle change in expressions as he finishes his routine. He laughs, says something in French that Yuri doesn't quite catch. He takes a swig of water and looks over his shoulder. As he does, his eyes lock suddenly with Yuri's.

Yuri feels his face immediately blazing. It's not the discovery of him being here (though that is mortifying) but the fact that JJ doesn't seem to care. He cocks an eyebrow at Yuri and gives him a half-smile. As JJ turns away, Yuri bolts, running from the rink and out of the building. He's halfway down the road before he lets himself slow down, and even then keeps a strong jog until he reaches the river. Finally he slows down to a walk and lets out a growl. The cold air pinches at his heated face and he watches the light of the street-lights rippling and bouncing in the river.

Yuri tries to think of something else, anything else. He thinks of his grandfather, _perozhki_ , even stupid Yuuri and stupid Viktor. Despite his best efforts, his thoughts return, like iron filings to a magnet, to JJ and that stupid smile.

 

***

 

Yuri jumps awake, sitting up almost instantly. He fumbles for his bedside lamp and twitches away from the sudden light, eyes darting around the hotel room, confirming (and ugh, _why_ is he disappointed?) that he's alone. He shakes gently, breathing fast like he just got off the ice, and checks his clock: 3:38. Sighing, he collapses back onto his pillows and groans, knowing he can't stay awake but fearful of giving his unconscious mind any more license to do anything. Whenever he blinks, he sees those dark blue eyes again, alternating light and darkness, narrowing like a predator closing in. His skin tingles and he tries desperately not to think about the very obvious _problem_ he can feel under the covers. He rolls onto his side to try and ease the pressure and glares at the curtains.

_This is fucking ridiculous_ , he thinks. _I do not have time for this._

 

***

 

Yuri manages to avoid JJ on the plane and at both airports, retreating behind his hair and a scowl whenever it looks like they might come near one another. He takes to wearing his headphones around his neck almost constantly, just in case he needs a quick deployment. Whenever Yuri sees JJ around, he either turns and walks away or shoves the headphones on and fixes him with a steely look.

All of this works fine – everyone assumes that Yuri is just moody and hormonal (and really he is but no one else needs to know the extent of it) – until one evening when he's heading downstairs for dinner. He enters the lift alone, but the second before the doors close, a hand appears between them and they trundle open again... to reveal JJ (because of course it had to be him). Yuri reaches for his headphones only to have his hands close on empty air and he curses quietly, masking the fearful leap in his heart gives with a look of disdain. JJ gives him that infuriating smile (the one Yuri has been trying so hard to forget).

“Evening,” he says, getting only a grunt in response. He presses the ground floor button and the doors slide shut. Yuri feels the usual drop as they begin to descend as JJ clears his throat.

“I'm glad to have caught you,” he says, and Yuri looks at him sideways. “I just wanted to say you don't need to worry – I won't tell anyone what happened.”

Yuri bites his tongue on a sarcastic comment and says, “When?”

“Huh?” JJ turns to look at Yuri. “When you came to see me practise the other day.”

Yuri shrugs. “Why would I do that? You must be imagining things.”

“If you say so,” JJ chuckles. He pauses briefly before adding, “I don't mind though.”

Yuri scoffs. “You really don't shut up do you?”

The lift doors open at the ground floor and they step out together. When Yuri goes to walk left towards the hotel restaurant, however, he finds the way blocked by JJ.

“Move.”

“Look, I already said, I don't mind that you came to watch. You're free to come check out the competition –”

Yuri rolls his eyes, trying not to meet JJ's dark blue gaze. “You're not competition.”

JJ laughs. “I just won gold at Rostelecom – I'd say that's competition.”

Yuri looks up at JJ and it dawns on him how much taller and broader JJ is. He folds his arms and tries to stand up straighter. “That doesn't mean anything now. This is the Grand Prix final and I'm going to win it.”

JJ laughs again. “You talk so big for someone so small, little Yuri.”

Fists clench in Yuri's folded arms. He wants to say something scathing back but instead shakes his head. _He's not worth it._ He takes a deep breath and lets it out again. “I'm leaving now.” He steps quickly around JJ to head to the restaurant.

“You're very cute.” The words make Yuri's back stiffen and he stops in his tracks. “And don't worry, your secret's safe with me.”

Feeling a growl come into his throat, Yuri spins on the spot, ready to rip this arsehole a new one, but JJ is already walking away down the corridor to the hotel entrance. Yuri stands there, hands trembling with anger and something slower, and tries to calm his rapid heartbeat.

 

***

 

That night, still grumbling to himself about JJ (and his mood not helped by Viktor and Yuuri bothering him all evening), Yuri returns to his room and undresses for bed. Before he can put on his pyjama top, he catches sight of himself in the full-length mirror and stops. His eyes survey his body: slim and pale, fifteen years of lean muscle and long, slender limbs. Not scrawny, but not filled-out. He examines the slight curves of bones at his shoulders, his wrists, turns sideways and stares at his flat profile. His body is one caught in anticipatory dread: a growth spurt could make or break him. Something feels unsettled in his stomach and he hears a little voice in his head say, 'He's only four years older.'

Almost immediately, he recoils, his shoulders tensing visibly in the mirror.

_What the hell?!_

He stares wide-eyed at himself before pulling on his t-shirt. Apparently his own mind can't be trusted even when he's awake. Turning off the light, he throws himself into bed and pulls the covers over his head. He needs to pull himself together: this is no time to be getting some kind of... _crush_ on some weird guy – and his competition no less!

The word rolls around in his head and he considers it: crush. He doesn't understand it – not this application anyway – but he would like very much to crush JJ. He would squash him right out of existence and leave a beautiful, silent, JJ-shaped hole in the world. The thought saddens him as much as it satisfies.

 

***

 

Even in the roar of the crowd, Yuri can hear the murmurings. JJ does his best to salvage the situation at his kiss and cry (and god how embarrassing), but Yuri can hear them: concern with a tinge of mirth. Yuri sits in the stands shaking his head as the audience begins to slowly disperse. Going to find JJ is almost impossible: Yuri's record-breaking short program means that people – reporters and fans alike – all vie for Yuri's attention. Yakov does what he can to help keep things civil and Lilia ensures that Yuri responds to enough questions to not seem rude (though he maintains that he's unlikely to stop being a grouchy little shit any time soon). When they eventually escape the masses, Yuri spots JJ's fiancée – Isabelle? Isabella? – going into one of the changing rooms set aside for competitors and tells Yakov and Lilia that he wants to go speak to JJ.

“You're not planning to make some kind of scene are you?” asks Lilia drily.

“I'll be my usual picture of grace and diplomacy,” says Yuri, rolling his eyes and walking away. Once at the door, he hovers uncertainly for a moment before knocking. JJ's father opens the door.

“Er, hello?”

“Can I speak to JJ please?” asks Yuri, marvelling at his own politeness.

“He's a little –”

“Let him in dad,” calls JJ, and his father opens the door a little wider as he turns, revealing JJ sitting on a bench while he takes off his skates. “We can talk later.”

JJ's parents exchange a look and JJ's fiancée (whatever her name is) kisses JJ before they all file out past Yuri and the two are left alone. Yuri steps inside and closes the door.

“Congratulations,” says JJ. “That was an incredible performance.”

“Damn right it was,” says Yuri. He doesn't quite know how to act. He almost wants to run straight back out of the room but he steels himself. “Unlike yours. What happened?”

JJ looks uncharacteristically wordless and Yuri feels a pang when he sees tears forming in his eyes. He feels the urge to run again.

“I... I freaked out,” says JJ. “Everyone around me kept saying I could win and then that I had to, and... It was like my mind just shut down. Everything around me... it all went into negative.”

“Sounds like you're burning out,” says Yuri flatly, getting an unexpected laugh from JJ.

“Your sympathy is encouraging,” he says.

“Are you really that surprised?” asks Yuri. “I'm doing my best.”

“Why?”

Yuri frowns. “Why what?”

“Why are you doing your best?” asks JJ, looking up at Yuri in confusion.

Yuri shrugs, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Because you're better than this and don't have time to burn out.”

JJ scoffs. “I don't really have a choice about it.”

“Of course you do,” says Yuri. “This is the Grand Prix final. This is _my_ senior debut and _you're_ my fiercest competition. If I don't beat you at your best what's the point?”

JJ gives another short bark of a laugh. “There's no chance of me making gold at this point.”

Yuri allows himself a small half-smile. “Perhaps not, but if you work very hard you could still make the podium.”

JJ sits silently, contemplating Yuri's words. Yuri wishes he wouldn't stare at him while does do. He feels his neck beginning to warm and turns to go.

“See you tomorrow,” he says. “If I'm having to share the podium with the piggy I'd prefer not to also have to share it with Chris.”

JJ says, in a voice edged with a smile, “You can be surprisingly nice, little Yuri.”

Yuri bristles at the nickname and says, “Yeah, don't expect me to do it again.”

 

***

 

Yuri doesn't see JJ properly again for several months, save for a perfunctory nod before JJ's free program (and how Yuri wants to kick him for that abysmal beginning) and them sharing the podium with Yuuri afterwards. Yuri wants to tell him well done for pushing through it and making bronze, but he is inundated with everyone else telling him the same thing (and more bouquets than he's ever seen in his life). By the time Yuri _has_ time, everything is in confusion and he's not sure who's still in Barcelona and who's already left. (Well, apart from Viktor and Yuuri, who seem to take some kind of pleasure in irritating him as much as they possibly can.)

The Grand Prix win brings with it extra media coverage. As if all eyes weren't already on him, Yuri becomes acutely aware of the scrutiny: the discussions about the future of his career, his upcoming competitions, his technique and training regimen. Yuri maintains his relative apathy, letting others (well, Yakov and Lilia) do the talking for him and concentrating on his new routines, like he knows he should. Of course, he can't help but keep up with what everyone else is doing. Yuuri and Viktor in Japan, muddling their way along ( _useless as always_ ), Chris continuing to stretch the limits of perverse with every movement, Phichit being more inventive and adventurous than ever.

He spends his sixteenth birthday training: he has to fly abroad again the following week and Lilia doesn't give a crap about his birthday. His grandfather comes to watch and offers his usual quiet encouragement.

After what seems to be a surprisingly long break (and Yuri hates that that makes him as sad as it does), JJ is reported to be getting back into the competition circuit, practising new routines. Yuri professes disinterest, but follows every story he can, cursing his less-than-perfect French. As well as the actual information there are gossipy whispers and a vicious rumour mill. JJ had to be treated in a special mental health unit. He took time off skating himself to support his little siblings in their endeavours. He's no longer engaged. Yuri listens to all of it, taking everything he hears with a fistful of salt, and hates himself a little bit more every time his ears prick up and his heart starts hammering whenever JJ's name is mentioned. As always, he channels his frustration into his skating, hitting all the moves harder and gritting his teeth as he goes into jumps, step sequences, spins. Yakov and Lilia say things about his drive, his form, and Yuri does his best to focus on the words and ignore his own stupid thoughts because everything he thinks of lately is treacherous.

A part of him wonders if this sudden surge of hormones might be the fanfare to his dreaded growth spurt, but nothing seem to change. The sigh of relief he shares with Yakov and Lilia is accompanied by a hint of private frustration, but he continues with the extra ballet training and tries to work as he always does, as though the world lies before him, all within his reach.

When Yuri does see JJ at a competition in Australia, he can't get close enough to say anything and so has to settle for another nod and an attempt at a smile. He notices that JJ seems to keep to himself more – his parents are obviously still around but he talks less (amazingly) and his fiancée is nowhere to be seen. Perhaps some of the rumours carry more weight than others.

As Yuri stretches, he absently observes JJ: still tall, still strong, but his confidence is quieter now (and Yuri feels like it should suit him more but it somehow doesn't). He's lost in thoughts of why combined with thoughts about his short program, and doesn't quite realise when JJ looks back at him, but almost jumps out of his skin when their eyes finally meet. Suddenly he's back in the darkened stands of a rink in Russia, feeling like an intruder into someone else's life. JJ smiles and goes back to his own stretches and Yuri turns away, a pain inside him that he doesn't understand. _Why does it hurt?_

 

***

 

Yuri does his best to forget about JJ. Even if he acknowledges this for what it is – _a simple crush, nothing more, right?_ \- he doubts anything could ever happen. He feels stuck in his body, smaller and perpetually adolescent by comparison to JJ. He knows that this is is a strength of his, he does, but sometimes he feels a sense of wistful longing for something more. Making every effort not to let it affect his skating, he goes back to the barre, his home rink, _perozhki_ and freezing cold early morning runs.

The next winter, he shoots up two more inches and his costumes suddenly become too short at his wrists and ankles. For a week, he has more stumbles on the ice than he's had in years, but sheer pigheadedness keeps him moving forward. _You don't have time to burn out._ The words echo in his head and keep his resolve strong, even as his balance struggles against his awkwardness. Lilia pushes him harder, drumming gracefulness back into his frame while he's still re-learning where his hands and feet are. A month later, he's practically the same as before: still not especially tall but flexible and with clean lines in his routines, a fire in his belly and a sense of satisfaction at being even a little taller (and he doesn't know why that matters but it does).

His seventeenth birthday brings with it a surprise party thrown by Viktor and Yuuri that he doesn't want and grumbles his way through before leaving early to spend the evening with his grandfather. It's simpler, it's easier, no judgement, just companionship and the smell of motor oil and snow. He finds he can no longer lounge in his grandfather's car like he used to and the thought might have once made him sad but there's something else in the way that he can't get a grasp on. He turns his gaze out of the window instead, thoughts lingering somewhere between his next skating competition and a particular shade of dark blue.

 

***

 

No one is more surprised than Yuri to find himself in JJ's car on his eighteenth birthday.

On Yakov's instruction, he went out for a run, but Montréal is a weird city and he lost his way. Just as he was cursing his own bad luck, it started to rain, and he was suddenly lost _and_ drenched. He wandered the streets for a while, looking for anything familiar, until a car pulled up beside him and he had to blink several times to make sure he wasn't dreaming because JJ was looking out at him and opening the door for him. He had to be convinced ( _“It's raining, you're soaked, get in.”_ ) but now he's sitting listening to whatever music this is JJ has on (and thank god it's not that damn song again because Yuri still wouldn't put it past him even now) and trying not to breathe in too deeply because the car smells like JJ and he can't deal with it.

They turn a corner onto another unfamiliar street and JJ says, “You look taller.”

Yuri nods, making an effort to keep his face impassive. “I am.”

JJ nods. “I thought so.”

Yuri's hands clench on his damp thighs. Something sits in his mouth, unknown but wishing to be spoken, and he thinks that if he were to let go of any kind of control he might blurt it out. He swallows, trying to pick his words. “So are you in the competition next week too?”

“Yeah,” JJ says, glancing left and right at the junction to look for an opening to exit out onto the main road. “I got lucky in that I can just be home for it this time.” He pulls out and turns left, windscreen wipers sluicing away the driving rain and headlights bouncing off the wet streets. “I'm guessing you're at the Hilton?”

Yuri nods. “Yeah, I don't remember which way it was though.”

JJ chuckles. “It's fine, I know where it is.”

“You'd be an idiot if you didn't,” mutters Yuri, and JJ chuckles again.

“You say that like I'm not already.”

Yuri frowns and looks at JJ. He's used to JJ being arrogant and having an ego that can fill a rink. To hear him being self-deprecating is... unexpected. Plus, what does he mean? Yuri bites his lip and his eyes follow the lean muscles of JJ's forearms from the wheel to his shoulders. His eyes linger on JJ's chest and then follow his neck up to his face in profile. He watches him: the tilt of his thick eyebrows as he looks around, the flicker of other cars' headlights in his eyes, the way he's biting his lip – why?

His reverie is broken when the engine stops unexpectedly and JJ looks back at him. As with the others times their eyes have met, Yuri feels a jolt inside him. He wants to look away but something stops him. The thump of his heartbeat fills his ears and his mouth feels dry. He swallows.

“Er... thanks,” he says haltingly. “For... dropping me back.”

“No problem,” says JJ. “Do you know where you're going in there?” He nods to the hotel and Yuri grimaces.

“I'm not stupid,” he says. “Why would I get lost in a _hotel_?”

JJ laughs. “I don't know – I never thought Montréal was that hard to navigate.”

“Shut up.”

“I'm just saying,” says JJ, a familiar expression on his face. “I'm happy to help you find your room.”

The words stir something strange in Yuri's stomach and he clears his throat. “I think I'll be okay...” He reaches for the door handle, the movement reminding him of the sogginess of his clothes. “Thanks again, for the ride.” Another moment of silence stretches between them and Yuri doesn't know why he hasn't opened the door yet. His heart hammers away in his chest, making his next words wobble out of his mouth: “If... if you want to come and make sure I get back to my room, I... I won't stop you.”

JJ gazes at him in silence and Yuri screams internally. _Why did I say that what the hell am I doing he probably thinks I'm a freak_.

“Okay,” says JJ. “I'll lock the car.”

Yuri hesitates for a second until autopilot takes over and he gets out of the car. A beep sounds in the air and the two of them rush inside through the downpour. Inside, the foyer is warm and dry, and Yuri heads towards the lifts. He wonders dimly if JJ is going to leave him to it at this point and admit that the 'getting lost in the hotel' comment was just a joke, but instead he follows Yuri into the lift and along the corridor to his door. He unlocks and opens it, and hovers on the threshold, turning to look at JJ.

“So... yeah, this is me,” he says, eyes darting to and away from JJ's a few times. “I think I can find my way now.”

Something crosses JJ's face. “Okay... Are you sure?”

Yuri finally lets himself look into JJ's eyes properly and finally lets go. He can feel his lips tremble slightly as he shakes his head, unable to put anything into words that JJ would understand. He steps backwards through the door and JJ follows, their eyes never leaving one another, until eventually they stand in the hotel room together, the door closing behind them with a gentle click. Yuri can feel himself shaking minutely, even as JJ moves closer to him, and despite his growth spurt he still has to look up a little.

“Think you'll be okay from here?” JJ asks, the words almost a whisper.

Yuri nods, the movement jerky as he pushes himself up onto his toes. His lips crash into JJ's and he lets his eyes slip closed, fiercely aware of the heat in his face. Almost as soon as he's kissed JJ, he drops back onto his heels again and lets his gaze fall down to JJ's chest. JJ says nothing, and the silence sits heavily on Yuri's shoulders. His breath comes shakily.

“I... sorry!” he stammers. “I don't... I...”

Before he can say anything else JJ puts a hand under his chin and their lips meet again. Instinctively, Yuri grasps onto the front of JJ's jacket, using him for balance, and JJ's hands cup his damp face. Every nerve in Yuri's body is on fire. JJ's lips are slow and steady, warm and pliable against Yuri's, even as Yuri continues to shake with the sheer overwhelming sense of amazement he feels. When they finally part for air he's panting, staring up at JJ with wide eyes.

“Are you okay?” asks JJ, his tone foreign to Yuri's ears.

Yuri nods, his hair still plastered to his forehead. “I... don't get it.”

“Hmm?” JJ looks curious. “What don't you get?”

“I'm a little shit,” says Yuri. “I always have been.”

JJ laughs. “Yeah, well. Let's just say I like your irreverence.”

“And you're a dick.” The words aren't malicious.

“Wow, so romantic.”

Yuri flushes. “Shut up.”

“Fine.” JJ leans down and kisses him again and Yuri screws his eyes shut against threatening tears. JJ's arms wind around his waist and pull him closer, embracing him properly. Yuri hesitates but then clings to JJ around his neck, feeling warmer and bolder. When they part again – Yuri seems to have forgotten how to breathe – he pulls off his sodden jacket, knowing he really should take it off. He can't afford a cold right now. JJ shrugs off his own and hangs it over the back of the sofa, looking at Yuri in a way he's never looked before and which Yuri can't place until he looks at JJ's hands. Is he _nervous_?

“Are you okay with this?” JJ asks after a moment.

Yuri almost laughs. “Do you think I would do any of this if I didn't _want_ to?”

JJ smiles. “Fair point.” He looks uncharacteristically hesitant. “Umm... Not to sound weird or anything but you should probably change out of your wet clothes – the last thing you need before a competition is to get sick.”

Yuri nods, all the usual jibes about advantages and handicaps lost somewhere in the back of his mind – and retrieves his pyjamas from under the pillow on the immense bed. He quickly changes in the bathroom, rubbing his hair dry with a towel before coming back out to find JJ sitting on the edge of his bed. He hangs up the wet stuff to dry and sits next to JJ, who slips an arm around his shoulders. Yuri automatically turns to him and tilts his head, the kiss just as tender as the others. Determined to get braver, Yuri puts his hands on JJ's shoulders and squeezes them gently, pulling him closer. He feels that the angle is wrong the moment before he topples, and JJ catches himself on his hands over Yuri, whose face burns scarlet.

“Sorry!” he says, but JJ laughs and kisses him again.

“It's fine,” he says. “Just... if you want me to stop anything, please say so.”

Yuri nods weakly and tilts his head up to kiss JJ once more. Lying down, he feels somehow more exposed to him, more vulnerable, but at the same time closer and more aware of every movement they both make. JJ's tongue prods curiously at Yuri's lips and he lets it slip past, touching it with his own. He feels JJ's warm hands on his waist, fingers drawing slow circles on his ribcage. Yuri sighs, his own hands drifting down JJ's back, and is surprised when JJ makes a pleased noise in the back of his throat. He continues with the movement, eventually mustering enough courage to inquisitively try the hem of JJ's t-shirt, and finds he likes the feeling of JJ's warm skin under his hands. He pulls the t-shirt slowly up, revealing JJ's stomach and chest, and as though this were a signal he was waiting for, JJ's hands slip up under Yuri's pyjama top. The feeling of JJ's hands running over his skin brings a quiet whine from Yuri and he feels JJ smile against his lips.

“Do you like this?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

“Do you?”

“Yes, very much. Just let me do something, if that's okay.”

Yuri nods and JJ rises onto his knees, pulling off his t-shirt and tossing it onto the floor. Yuri glances at the tattoo on JJ's chest of his initials.

“That still looks ridiculous,” he says flatly.

JJ laughs. “I'm sure, but it's a part of me now.”

Yuri isn't sure what to say to that, but finds he doesn't need to say anything as JJ returns to lying beside him and kisses him again, fingers drawing indecipherable shapes on his chest under his top. Soon he pulls away too and pulls it off, unsure of when the room got so _warm_. With the skin-on-skin contact, Yuri feels something stirring in his body that puts him in mind of a hotel room in Russia, years ago. He starts to try and kiss JJ more insistently, his hands moving in wider strokes across JJ's skin, occasionally daring to brush at the waistband of his jeans. JJ makes soft noises of enjoyment, and Yuri feels bold enough to reach for his belt.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

JJ lets him carry on: his belt is opened, his button and fly following, and JJ lifts his body so that he can take off his jeans and dump them on the floor. Yuri runs a finger over JJ's hipbones, listening to the noises he makes, and JJ's hand brushes up his thigh, running over his hip to his butt to caress it through his pyjama bottoms and elicit a quiet groan from him.

“How far do you want to go?” asks JJ, fingers still rubbing slowly over Yuri's body. The implication of the words feels heavy in Yuri's ears.

“I...” He doesn't quite know what to say. Part of him wants to say all the way, but a bigger part is holding back. Unsure of what else to do, he takes JJ's hand in his and squeezes it: pale, nervous fingers on tanned, practised ones. “Maybe just...” He guides JJ's hand to the front of his trousers and bites his lip at the feeling it gives him. “Something like this?”

JJ nods, palming Yuri's erection through the fabric as his lips go to Yuri's neck. He leaves soft kisses there, starting to gently rub his hand over Yuri's cock. Yuri moans, no barrier over his lips now, and jerks into JJ's touch. He reaches with his own hand, brushing it over the front of JJ's boxers, and JJ moans against Yuri's throat. Emboldened, Yuri continues, both of them shaking, until it's too much and Yuri wriggles out of his pyjama bottoms, JJ discarding his underwear, leaving them both bare. The feeling of JJ's hand around his cock, stroking his skin up and down, makes Yuri whimper as he reaches out to do the same. Their lips seek each other out again, brushing against one another as they both gasp and sigh, riding waves of sensation.

“Are you getting close?” asks JJ.

Yuri pants. “Mmm, yes... _Oh god_... You?”

JJ just nods shakily, kissing Yuri deeply as his hand speeds up, Yuri doing the same. Yuri comes with a cry, followed quickly by JJ, their moans mingling somewhere between their lips as they ride out the sensations. Afterwards, they fall still, sweat on their bodies and the smell of cum in the air. JJ catches Yuri's gaze and smiles.

“That was...”

“Yeah...”

JJ kisses Yuri once more on the forehead and sits up, grabbing a few tissues from the box on the night-stand. He cleans up quickly, tossing the tissues in the bin, and the two of them slide under the covers. Yuri fits easily into the circle of JJ's arms, the warmth from his skin lulling him into drowsiness.

“You okay?” asks JJ.

“Of course I am,” says Yuri, a small frown on his face. “Why wouldn't I be?”

“Just checking.” JJ grins and draws a circle on Yuri's shoulder with his finger. “You're still the same as ever aren't you?”

“Huh?”

“A little shit.”

Yuri looks at him, brows low over his eyes, and sees a shit-eating grin on JJ's face. He huffs and settles back down in JJ's arms.

“Dick.”

JJ laughs, the sound making Yuri's heart skip, and they drift into sleep.

 


End file.
